this does not address how i found my partner but rather the previous question about how i realized. I never even considered the possibility of being submissive. The idea of whips and chains and blood play danced amuck in my head and it was something that did not in any way interest me (still not a pain girl) A friend of mine was however and upon talking with her about i realized that pain is only one aspect of BDSM and after looking deeper into the subject i realized that i had many things that i did that were actually considered submissive. I grappled with it initially but the more research i did the more it made sense to me. Thank goodness for the internet for teaching so many of us. =)