Having once been the guy who wasn't pursuing a BDSM relationship with my wife, who really wanted more, don't be suprised if it takes time to come close to what you are looking for. As mentioned above, if he was raised by a father who ingrained a big chunk of gentleman in him (like me) it is tough to overcome. And I was a guy who seriously enjoyed the kink side of things.

We finally went fulltime 3 weeks ago after playing around for, um, 8 years, but it has been fantastic.

Good luck with things