Slave, Submissive, or Somewhere Inbetween

[submissivewife]

Slave or Submissive…….

I have been wondering what is everyone’s opinion of what you feel you are.

General Definitions:

Submissive—Someone that submits to the authority of a dominant, with rights, some control, and no privileges

Slave—someone who submits to the authority of a dominant with no rights, no control, and privileges are earned.

Myself, I am somewhere between the submissive and slave. I have even given it a name…

Slavemissive—someone who submits to the authority of a dominant with no rights, earned privileges inside the relationship, but only controls what happens outside the relationship like work.

Your thoughts?

[His_pita]

Hey I like that term Slavemissive!! I would call myself that too. More and more everyday I find myself submitting myself to Him. Not just the obvious stuff that we subs submit but my inner being. I have come to trust him enough to want to give it all to him.

I still hold control over my child, my faith and the things set forth in our contract.

[RedSilk]

This is such a hard subject, just because of the fact that I think the definition is different in every relationship.

I consider myself a slave and so does Master. The only thing is though, that he allows me to communicate to him anything I feel uneasy about. By that I mean if there is something that is bothering me I tell him and we discuss it. He realizes that when I'm happy then he's extra happy so it's beneficial to him that I be happy and fulfilled. Short of being deathly ill, injured, or in the presence of my hubby though, I do whatever he asks me to do, even when what he asks seems entirely impossible.

I also don't agree that a slave has no control. I think that in order for any D/s relationship to work there needs to be that illusion of control at least. Can you imagine being a slave to your Master and later experiencing that he is abusive? Does a slave not have any control or say in what happens to him/her? Can she not leave the relationship if she chooses to just because she is a slave? I don't think that this is the case. I do believe that a good Master wants a slave that wants to serve him and therefore, in letting her have that bit of control, the relationship is more fulfilling. Mind you this is all just my opinion.

I guess for me the definition of slave brings to mind the image of an animal, someone who is not cared for in the least. These relationships to me, are all about choice...the slave choosing to serve the Master. In being able to make a choice, doesn't there have to be some sort of control?

I don't know where I'm going with this, and maybe it's the wrong thread for it, but I consider myself a slave even though I do have a small bit of control.

[Iseeyou]

This is an excellent subject, and I am very pleased to see it being talked about. There is such a proliferation of self-proclaimed "experts" who insist on forcing evryone else to agree with thier notion of slavery, submission, ect. I look forward to seeing what gets written here

Iseeyou

[chattel69]

What am i? - slave or submissive? This is my opinion

A slave is someone who has no rights. They are the property of someone else, only around to do the bidding of their owner whether it be as a sex slave or worker slave or a combination of both. A slave has no say into what happens from day to day, they do what is asked for get punished for not obeying.

Now as for a submissive, this is someone who has agreed upon a certain way of life, under contract, the Dominate and submissive have determined the who, what, where, when, and how things will be done in the relationship with discpline or punishment being administered if things aren't done properly or timely.

I would say right now I am a submissive but with the right Master, I may choice to reliquish all my rights and become a slave. Once again this is my opinion

[Silke]

Since I flinch every time that RedSilk gets into slave mode when we talk, I guess that would qualify me as a submissive at the most. *giggles* And sometimes I even question myself on that one...

Yes, I do like to give up control and submit, it gives me a thrill, puts a smile on my face, makes me wet...but I feel I'm only submitting when I want to. Ok, that's not entirely right, I'm exaggerating here to make a point. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I occasionally feel too bold/bratty/dominant even? to call myself a submissive. A term I've labled myself with on one of those occasions was "fair-wheather-sub", i. e. a person who submits when he/she is in the mood for it.

That said, I haven't been in any significant longer lasting online or r/l D/s relationship and that probably makes a huge difference. In what way? I'm not sure, I guess it could go either way, really. One option being that I might find myself growing more submissive as the relationship gets more demanding and involved and the other option being that the potential Master would get fed up and kick me out.

All I know is that I seem to be torn between loving my freedom and coming to terms with my submissive desires. So, in short - being a slave might turn me on in my fantasies but being submissive is the more realistic goal. *grins*

Just me.
Silke

PS: maybe a sub(optimal)-submissive? *grins*

[RedSilk]

~giggles at Silke~ You are too funny girl!

We both know that I'm bold and bratty always. Cheeky, insubordinate, and silly too. That happens to be part of what Master really likes about me though. I don't think that those traits necessarily mean that you can't be a slave. I still think that the difference between slave and submissive is unique to every relationship. I also think that if it makes you happy, it doesn't really matter what you call it does it?!

Another two cents! Boy I'm gonna owe a lot of money pretty soon! ~giggles~

RedSilk

[submissivewife]

We both know that I'm bold and bratty always.

I'm a brat! I know it and most of the people I interact with know it. In fact, on another board that is all I am known as is BRAT or BRATTY! I don't think being a brat deminishes from being a slave, might as some spice. It's how far you take that brattiness that gets one into trouble. So I say, be a little bratty....HAVE FUN!

subwife

[Silke]

~giggles at Silke~ You are too funny girl!

We both know that I'm bold and bratty always. Cheeky, insubordinate, and silly too. That happens to be part of what Master really likes about me though. I don't think that those traits necessarily mean that you can't be a slave. I still think that the difference between slave and submissive is unique to every relationship. I also think that if it makes you happy, it doesn't really matter what you call it does it?!

Another two cents! Boy I'm gonna owe a lot of money pretty soon! ~giggles~

I'll pay for those two cents, hon.

And I'm tempted to go with the "whatever makes you happy" statement because it feels right, but I still catch myself sometimes trying to live up to standards that seem to be floating around out there. I know it's silly and probably shows my lack of experience, but it still happens. And at those times I get second thoughts about if I "qualify".

I know it's bullshit, folks *grins*...but I wanted to share it anyway. Maybe there's other newbies out there that learn from my mistakes.

Silke

[Masters_lilone]

i disagree with what chattel said about a slave not having any rights and being just property and being punished if they don't obey an order from there owner... i happen to be a slave and am in a loving relationship with my Master. he allows me to still be who i am and have rights to do things for my self he considers me to be a person and not just his property and he never punishes me unless i deserve the punishment. if i disobey an order from him we talk about why i disobeyed him and if he deciddes i deserve the punishment he gives me one. when he gives me a punishtment it is usually awriting assignment or he takes away my computer time or some thing like that. to me my slavery is just me submitting on a deeper level and that i'm giving my life to him in all ways and i'm giving up my rights to him willingly.

[Ruby]

Hmmmm... interesting thoughts.

Even defining those words opens a can of worms. :-)

What has been defined as a slavemissive, many would call a slave or sub.

Call yourself what you want and thrive in your relationship.

As for me, I prefer the term "pet".

I'm so not submissive, yet I'm not the domme in my relationship with my husband.
And because my husband takes charge when we play, many would call my part
the submissive or bottom.

I'm more a wild creature, like a tigress, that's tame only for him, because I choose to be, not because he "tamed" me.

While my sweet Nat, can play the role of sub, he's really more a pet, too.

[submissivewife]

[QUOTE]Hmmmm... interesting thoughts.

Even defining those words opens a can of worms. :-)What has been defined as a slavemissive, many would call a slave or sub.

Call yourself what you want and thrive in your relationship.

As for me, I prefer the term "pet".

[QUOTE]

Thank you Ruby. I knew posting this might cause some trouble but so far everyone has been great about discussing what they think. Me...I was just thinking one day and thought about what I do and, I feel, I do more than what most call a sub and I do less than what most would call a slave. So I combined the words and got slavemissive. Just me thinking.....which some might consider dangerous.

[orchid]

i think that everyone's definition will be different based on their own interpretation of the terms and/or lifestyle. personally, Master and i consider myself a slave even though i work fulltime outside of our home and do all kinds of things that 'traditional' folks don't equate with being someone's slave. Quite simply, this is just the term that we have chosen to describe me - in reality, it is our relationship and interaction with each other that describes our relationship, not some preset vocabulary and all the 'ideals' that go along with that term...

[Ozme52]

Hmmmm... interesting thoughts.

Even defining those words opens a can of worms. :-)

What has been defined as a slavemissive, many would call a slave or sub.

Call yourself what you want and thrive in your relationship.

As for me, I prefer the term "pet".

I'm so not submissive, yet I'm not the domme in my relationship with my husband.
And because my husband takes charge when we play, many would call my part
the submissive or bottom.

I'm more a wild creature, like a tigress, that's tame only for him, because I choose to be, not because he "tamed" me.

While my sweet Nat, can play the role of sub, he's really more a pet, too.

Nail on the proverbial head Ruby. Though the question was submitted in the 'questions for subs' that's the point I've been aching to make. We had a similar conversation among some of the doms and it came down, for me, to the same thing. Trying to define the roles beyond the broadest, conventionally accepted, terms... is limiting. Everyone needs to find their own niche, and regardless of terminology (and sometimes despite the definitions,) revel in it.

[Ruby]

I was just thinking one day and thought about what I do and, I feel, I do more than what most call a sub and I do less than what most would call a slave. So I combined the words and got slavemissive. Just me thinking.....which some might consider dangerous.

I think your term slavemissive is creative, catchy and am sure many feel the same way you do. Keep on being dangerous and causing others to stop and think.

Everyone needs to find their own niche, and regardless of terminology (and sometimes despite the definitions,) revel in it.

Well said.

[sweetness and light]

i have not been in the lifestyle for years as some have, but i do know it is what you feel and feel comfortable enough with. i know i am submissive, but there are times that i have "slave" tendencies. No matter what the term/label/name one prefers to take, it is what you feel comfortable with. if i were to say what term of endearment i prefer, i would have to agree with Ruby, i like being called pet as well.

[novus56]

I'm very new to the lifestyle, less than two years, but from my perspective, I see the primary difference between being a slave or being a submissive is having the right to have limits. To me, being a slave means reliquishing all rights and power to the Dominant. Because of this view, I consider myself to be a submissive rather than a slave as there are things I know I can't or won't do.

novus

[frankee]

i like that term 'slavemissive', i think i fall into that category.


frankee
Proud sub of Mistress Cindy

[Misato36]

I would have to say that I like the term 'submissive' but I am more of a slave. My last master had complete control over me and while I did not always enjoy it, it was true to my personality. So yes I can be considered a slave but would prefer to be called a sub.

[dzire2pleeze]

I have never seen myself as a "slave" as defined by some. As a matter of fact the word itself conjures a feeling of rebellion in me. Using the word, "master" makes me feel like i just popped out of a bottle. I am comfortable with the word, "submissive" because that is what I am by nature. (Although i rarely show that side of myself in real life. I am controlling, opinionated, outspoken, etc).

However, I have been told that I am a submissive with slave tendencies. Obviously, i have no idea what i am. But as words go I like the sounds of "submissive" and "Sir" much more than "slave" and "Master."

Bottom line for me is i do not like being labeled, period. And the word "sub" just absolutely grates on my nerves as it has a completely different connotation than "submissive."

After all this rambling, I have forgotten what the original question was? Oh, okay. I guess i answered the question. Although, why is it that "submissives" do not get privileges? I want privileges and don't mind earning them. Okay, now i'm really confused.

[Warbaby1943]

I have never seen myself as a "slave" as defined by some. As a matter of fact the word itself conjures a feeling of rebellion in me. Using the word, "master" makes me feel like i just popped out of a bottle. I am comfortable with the word, "submissive" because that is what I am by nature. (Although i rarely show that side of myself in real life. I am controlling, opinionated, outspoken, etc).

However, I have been told that I am a submissive with slave tendencies. Obviously, i have no idea what i am. But as words go I like the sounds of "submissive" and "Sir" much more than "slave" and "Master."

Bottom line for me is i do not like being labeled, period. And the word "sub" just absolutely grates on my nerves as it has a completely different connotation than "submissive."

After all this rambling, I have forgotten what the original question was? Oh, okay. I guess i answered the question. Although, why is it that "submissives" do not get privileges? I want privileges and don't mind earning them. Okay, now i'm really confused.

Your desire to please may be overwhelming but your comments are right on target. I like the way you stated it all.

[frankee]

i had somewhat of a struggle in the beginning with the terms 'sub' and 'subbie', it made feel like i was being referred to as 'sub human', but educating myself and ALOT of reading (lol) i soon got past it.
Now, i really have no problem with any term, not even the term 'slave' (maybe because my Mistress uses it to refer to me as her 'sex slave).
i know i'm submissive by nature, so whatever term is used(sub,submissive,slave etc.) and whatever connotation it comes with, doesn't really much matter to me. i don't pay much attention to the labels anymore because i know what i am, i know my role and purpose in my relationship with my Mistress.
We know what's in each other's hearts & souls, i give my submission as a gift and She receives it as such.

[YourThrone]

I love the term "Slavemissive" as well. I fall uder that category.

[rach]

I'm relatively new to the lifestyle, and much of my expereince is online. Ithink of myself as a submissive, and my Dom certainly does. But I am well aware given certain circumstances as well as a Dom who pushed me, I would be a slave. I prefer submission however.

[submissivewife]

I love the term "Slavemissive" as well. I fall uder that category.

[poetic_justice]

I am a Slave. I relinquish everything to my Master, but he still allows me to talk with him, and if I am uncomfortable about something, we go slow with it. Nothing is Taboo between us, and I am very thankful for that. I give up all of myself to him, and let him enjoy me as his Slave as he wishes and I enjoy it as well. I do not see this as any sign of weakness and I am comfortable with the term. My sexual tendencies are naturally submissive anyway, and this was just the next step for me, I see our relationship as being incredibly trusting on both our parts and again, I am thankful for it.

[Psynymph]

Well ok for starters this is just my personal view on things.....not necessarily trying to force anything here....

i think the varying levels, such as submissive or slave, is just the varying levels of the bdsm relationship.....

you start out as a submissive.....you must be willing to submit to your Dom....to a certain extent. this allows you to get to know your Dom, as a Dom. to see if He knows what He's about, if Y/ya'll have good chemistry, if Y/ya'll both want the same things from the bdsm lifestyle....so on. this is also where you'd find out if He's just some sadistic fuck looking for a torture toy.....course that could be right up your alley! :P

i think when you decide to move to that "owned" part of the relationship, it's when it becomes Master and slave. if you think He's good enough to own you, then you should be comfortable enough to give up control as a slave does. you should have that trust and knowledge of each other.

and my defintions are as follows....

Dom- a Dominant person, who controls set aspects of another person's life.

Submissive- the counter part to a Dom.....to "submit" to someone is to give up certain amounts of control....to be determined by the parties involved.

Master- a Dominant person who completely "owns" a person

Slave- one that is completely owned....and yes a slave is property. but if you have a cherished pet or even a car, your going to love and take care of those things. you enjoy those things so you want to keep them in perfect condition. it goes the same for a slave.

[Talia]

ohhh I like your assessment Pysnymph. Thank you for your throughts.

[Msub44f]

my self I like the term slavemissive it's controling but kind.

[babygirlblue]

My Definitions:

Sub - voluntarily gives up like 90-95% of all control until something bothers them to their Dom.

Slave - gives all control and obedience to their Master.

I am a sub. The word 'slave' has always bothered me. I guess it's because of the usuage in our history. It's always been negative when someone said it. It's hard to think of something good like the word "Slave." Also the master/slave relationships I have seen just have me saying "they're going to far." (i.e. punishing while good friends, who know about their relationship and are into bdsm too, are onlookers.)

That's my two cents.