Stalemate

[Katmandu]

Hi all! I am new to this site, as well as new to the BDSM scene. I am seeking answers to a most troublesome problem I have with my Master. First of all, I am a slave/wife, and we have been trying to learn and get into this lifestyle for only @ 4 months now.I have a dilemma, that is threatening our entire setup, and I'm hoping for a LOT of opinions and advice. Now, here is the problem:
My Master wants me to SHARE me! Well, wait a minute, that isn't the real problem, it's how he wants me to have sex with others that is. His fondest fantasy is for me to go out and either pick somebody up and have sex, or 'DO' a co-worker. Then, come home and tell him about it, as well as show proof of having performed.

Well, I'll tell ya'll, this has proven too difficult for me for 2 reasons;
1. It's entirely too dangerous to pick up strangers, because of the possible physical harm from 'wackos', as well as the chance of catching a disease like HIV. I mean, does a condom really prevent contamination from HIV or Gonnorhea?
2. I intend to stay with my Company until retirement, and I do NOT wish to have to leave my job should it become too unbearable if I participate in 'back room antics'!

Sooo, all good Doms and subs out there, am I truly being a BAD slave? Am I making up reasons to not be obedient? Is it simply too early in our developement to start wandering "outside" with our play? Is there a way to better condition either one of us to make this work? Is there, truly, any way to find others with whom we can have reasonably safe sex?

Please help, as I truly believe this is the SOLE reason my Master has agreed to this lifestyle, to see this fantasy of his become a reality. Thanks.......

[Mobius]

Hi all! I am new to this site, as well as new to the BDSM scene. I am seeking answers to a most troublesome problem I have with my Master. First of all, I am a slave/wife, and we have been trying to learn and get into this lifestyle for only @ 4 months now.I have a dilemma, that is threatening our entire setup, and I'm hoping for a LOT of opinions and advice. Now, here is the problem:
My Master wants me to SHARE me! Well, wait a minute, that isn't the real problem, it's how he wants me to have sex with others that is. His fondest fantasy is for me to go out and either pick somebody up and have sex, or 'DO' a co-worker. Then, come home and tell him about it, as well as show proof of having performed.

Well, I'll tell ya'll, this has proven too difficult for me for 2 reasons;
1. It's entirely too dangerous to pick up strangers, because of the possible physical harm from 'wackos', as well as the chance of catching a disease like HIV. I mean, does a condom really prevent contamination from HIV or Gonnorhea?
2. I intend to stay with my Company until retirement, and I do NOT wish to have to leave my job should it become too unbearable if I participate in 'back room antics'!

Sooo, all good Doms and subs out there, am I truly being a BAD slave? Am I making up reasons to not be obedient? Is it simply too early in our developement to start wandering "outside" with our play? Is there a way to better condition either one of us to make this work? Is there, truly, any way to find others with whom we can have reasonably safe sex?

Please help, as I truly believe this is the SOLE reason my Master has agreed to this lifestyle, to see this fantasy of his become a reality. Thanks.......

Slave or no slave it is your health that is at risk and your masters. period

Safe Sane and concensual is the role of the day.
Do not do any thing that make you uncomfortible or unsafe.
Or you may make your master happy in the short run but end up with a very bad case of sif on his bif.

[fetish101]

yeah..mobius is right. Your master/husband needs to realize that he must have your best interests in mind when he requests things from you. While it may be his "ultimate fantasy" to have you do that, you're right in having reservations about it. STD's are serious shit..you can't mess around with them (and by asking you to do it, he's putting himself at risk as well..maybe you should inform him of that). Also, the whole job related antics, for me at least, is a non-starter. When I get out of university and start my career, you can bet that I won't be messing around like that at all.

[Finding_Fantasy]

Nope. You are not a bad submissive. You always have to look out for yourself first and foremost. Your fears are genuine and he should understand your discomfort. You are allowed to have limits and this sounds like this may be one of your hard limits... as in something you really don't want to do...and for good reasons in my opinion.

[Speaker of life]

...we have been trying to learn and get into this lifestyle for only @ 4 months now.I have a dilemma, that is threatening our entire setup, and I'm hoping for a LOT of opinions and advice. Now, here is the problem:
My Master wants me to SHARE me! Well, wait a minute, that isn't the real problem, it's how he wants me to have sex with others that is. His fondest fantasy is for me to go out and either pick somebody up and have sex, or 'DO' a co-worker. Then, come home and tell him about it, as well as show proof of having performed.

Well, I'll tell ya'll, this has proven too difficult for me for 2 reasons;
1. It's entirely too dangerous to pick up strangers, because of the possible physical harm from 'wackos', as well as the chance of catching a disease like HIV. I mean, does a condom really prevent contamination from HIV or Gonnorhea?
2. I intend to stay with my Company until retirement, and I do NOT wish to have to leave my job should it become too unbearable if I participate in 'back room antics'!

Sooo, all good Doms and subs out there, am I truly being a BAD slave? Am I making up reasons to not be obedient? Is it simply too early in our developement to start wandering "outside" with our play? Is there a way to better condition either one of us to make this work? Is there, truly, any way to find others with whom we can have reasonably safe sex?

Please help, as I truly believe this is the SOLE reason my Master has agreed to this lifestyle, to see this fantasy of his become a reality. Thanks.......

No, Katmandu, you are not being a bad slave. And Mobius is right. The first rule of bdsm is Safe Sane and Consensual. The whole concept of sex with srangers is not safe and you have every right to be concerned about your reputation at work.

Also your master seems to have forgotten one very important thing: This is HIS fantasy. But is it also YOURS? Unless the answer is yes, he has no right to force you to do this.

As for finding other people to have sex with, I would be inclined to direct you to other people for who would understand the idea of sex outside relationship as a bdsm fantasy. Neither I or my girlfriend have evrer done anything like what your master suggests but it is my experience that people who understand bdsm (not just wannabe players) are usually more careful about who they have sex with. There are exeptions, of course, but overall, people in this community are a bit more responsible than the average swinger.

[Katmandu]

Thanks all! Your "logical" responses were, apparently, what was needed to get the point across. As loathe as I was to 'disobey', I could not manage to either make Him understand my point of view, or follow through with his orders. Some background here: My Boss is an old (gross word: ) swinger from @ 25 years ago. He has unfairly compared that alternate lifestyle to this BDSM one. Unfortunately for him, I care NOT for that old lifestyle (although I am too young and was not part of Him then! ); nor is the world at large as acceptable to that kind of conjoining (AIDS kinda killed a lot of it, I think!). My Big Guy has "tossed in the white towel" on the subject. Thanks again for your kind guidence to this new kid!

[masterkurt]

I am silent since a longer time, but still read the forums from time to to time and would like throw in my 5 cents opinion.

Wishing to share a slave is, imo, quite natural for a master. As a master I did it very often and with great satisfaction of all partecipants. I like to have guests entertained by my slave after an interesting SM session....

Of course this friends have to be choosen with care in order to minimize social and health risks. So I agree with all the other opinions given here with regards to your perplexities about fulfilling your master's desires.

I would like to point out another aspect that I found strange: your master wants you to become active and "hook up" a stranger or a workmate and then tell everything to him. Well, personally I read more a masochistic inclination than a master's attitude in this desire. He actually wants you to be bitchy and unfaithful and than to tell the details to him ....

When I got to know my long time slave carolin, she and her husband were swingers. Very soon she started to have a lot of confidence with me and told me a lot of details about her sexual life. She was definitely a sub and had made that clear to him ... so he tried to be a master, but his greatest desire and fantasy was exactly the same your master expressed: he wanted her to hook up joung men and have sex with them and then tell him all the details.

She deeply disliked the idea: she is fundamentally a shy, sweet and submissive person and so never accepted to do it, though she liked very much the idea of being asked to sexually service strangers, if these were choosen by her master, what she did a number of times for me.

Actually she found out quite soon that her husband was actually more interested in the submissive side of BDSM than the in the dominant role, what convinced her even more to carry on a long and profound story with me.

From my side, I liked very much the possibility of renting her, presenting her to friends she had to obey and service and I carefully planned and carried out a lot of situations involving her humiliation with strangers of both genders, but it never passed thru my mind to push her into hooking up somebody of her choice in my absence .... I would have considered it a betrayal.

Of course all the situations quoted above were planned with care in order to be safe and secure, she trusted me and left the whole responsability to decide what she had to do or to endure, as well as how, where and with whom, entirely on my shoulders.

Now that our story has come to an end I am very proud of the fact that, in spite of quite hard situations she experienced, she never had any problem, neither from the health side, nor from the social side and now she is living her life as a respectable wife and mother.

In the attached pic, carolin serving three guests.

regards

Kurt

[new master]

Hi all! I am new to this site, as well as new to the BDSM scene. I am seeking answers to a most troublesome problem I have with my Master. First of all, I am a slave/wife, and we have been trying to learn and get into this lifestyle for only @ 4 months now.I have a dilemma, that is threatening our entire setup, and I'm hoping for a LOT of opinions and advice. Now, here is the problem:
My Master wants me to SHARE me! Well, wait a minute, that isn't the real problem, it's how he wants me to have sex with others that is. His fondest fantasy is for me to go out and either pick somebody up and have sex, or 'DO' a co-worker. Then, come home and tell him about it, as well as show proof of having performed.

Well, I'll tell ya'll, this has proven too difficult for me for 2 reasons;
1. It's entirely too dangerous to pick up strangers, because of the possible physical harm from 'wackos', as well as the chance of catching a disease like HIV. I mean, does a condom really prevent contamination from HIV or Gonnorhea?
2. I intend to stay with my Company until retirement, and I do NOT wish to have to leave my job should it become too unbearable if I participate in 'back room antics'!

Sooo, all good Doms and subs out there, am I truly being a BAD slave? Am I making up reasons to not be obedient? Is it simply too early in our developement to start wandering "outside" with our play? Is there a way to better condition either one of us to make this work? Is there, truly, any way to find others with whom we can have reasonably safe sex?

Please help, as I truly believe this is the SOLE reason my Master has agreed to this lifestyle, to see this fantasy of his become a reality. Thanks.......

safe and consentual is the founding rule here but i also have other concerns one i share with masterkurt that request is more of a submisive/cuckholding desire than most would think of the "norm" dom. but my biggest concern is that you said you think his SOLE reason for agreeing to the lifestyle was to see his fantasy become reality. if that is true i feel that could be a problem if the future as your desires slow go in different directions. my best advise is education may i suggest a couple of websites that have helped me greatly in my recent awakening in the lifestyle.

http://ms.ha.md.us/~tammad/over21/bo...checklist.html
http://www.castlerealm.com/library/advice.shtml
http://www.castlerealm.com/library/journal.shtml

whatever the out come of your journey i wish you well

[allalone46]

Hi all! I am new to this site, as well as new to the BDSM scene. I am seeking answers to a most troublesome problem I have with my Master. First of all, I am a slave/wife, and we have been trying to learn and get into this lifestyle for only @ 4 months now.I have a dilemma, that is threatening our entire setup, and I'm hoping for a LOT of opinions and advice. Now, here is the problem:
My Master wants me to SHARE me! Well, wait a minute, that isn't the real problem, it's how he wants me to have sex with others that is. His fondest fantasy is for me to go out and either pick somebody up and have sex, or 'DO' a co-worker. Then, come home and tell him about it, as well as show proof of having performed.

Well, I'll tell ya'll, this has proven too difficult for me for 2 reasons;
1. It's entirely too dangerous to pick up strangers, because of the possible physical harm from 'wackos', as well as the chance of catching a disease like HIV. I mean, does a condom really prevent contamination from HIV or Gonnorhea?
2. I intend to stay with my Company until retirement, and I do NOT wish to have to leave my job should it become too unbearable if I participate in 'back room antics'!

Sooo, all good Doms and subs out there, am I truly being a BAD slave? Am I making up reasons to not be obedient? Is it simply too early in our developement to start wandering "outside" with our play? Is there a way to better condition either one of us to make this work? Is there, truly, any way to find others with whom we can have reasonably safe sex?

Please help, as I truly believe this is the SOLE reason my Master has agreed to this lifestyle, to see this fantasy of his become a reality. Thanks.......

You have I hope been reading the responses here, and have been getting a eye full. Well here is my 2 cents worth. Don't do what you are not comfertable with. And yes I know you Master/Husban wants you to do it. Well did you agree to this when you exceppted his collar, and ring? So look at you vows, and contract(if you have one) and go from there. On a personal note yes I would be interestd in having a relationship with a willing female slave that her Master is willing to have serve others, but that isn't going to happen and I am not asking. So do what you think is best, and right, and remeber. Safe, Sane, and Consentual. The answer is no if it violates anyone of the three!

[Katmandu]

Many thanks to all who have had their say in this matter. It has meant a lot to me. After thinking things were OK, it turns out we are still facing this dilemma, now in a philosophical way.

He still wishes for me to go out and 'get' someone. I don't get it, for 2 reasons:

First, what was said earlier about a Dom wanting his sub to go out on her own, pick up somebody....this totally smacks of being 'out of control' for the Dom. Why would anyone who maintains total control over another...want to give that other complete control of herself? It kind of feels like an earlier thread by BDSM Tourguide, about--what's the point in giving a sub their own sub? Why would a Dom want their sub to be out of His control, possibly making errors in judgement, possibly being in danger (through both physical and disease harm)?

Secondly, the psychology of it all is quite disturbing. Does this mean he truly isn't/ doesn't want to be a Dom? Is this what ya'll meant about him simply wanting to be a Masochist, or submissive himself? How does one go about making someone (supposedly Dominant) realize they should Switch, and explore the possibilities he might prefer the 'other side'? I am truly uncomfortable submitting to one who wishes to be only in this for just sex. I thought BDSM was more than that. I thought it was about 'control'.

If he were willing to control the situation, to truly wish to own me, then I see no problem servicing his 'chosen' others, as Masterkurt did to his beloved, now lost Caroline. But to be made to control myself, to go whoring around just to tell him stories....I don't get it. This is not, in my opinion, a good BDSM relationship. Am I wrong here? Am I missing his point? Should I stop questioning?

I really am lost on this subject. It doesn't feel right to me, either to be told to do this, or to question him." Damned if I do, damned if I don't! "

[GaryWilcox]

I really am lost on this subject. It doesn't feel right to me, either to be told to do this, or to question him.

While true submission is a complete deference of will, at the heart of BDSM relationships is the idea that Master leads, slave follows. And I think you're correctly interpreting that debasing yourself independently of him forces you to take control of situations when you prefer to take the orders and follow them.

I liken it to a Sergeant telling a Private that he orders him to give commands. I don't think your Master is a switch or a submissive, I think he's probably has a fantasy that can't be achieved without inadvertently destroying who you are-- and that's the person he fell in love with, so while it will turn him on, it will probably erode the relationship as well.

I hope it's not an impasse for the two of you, but ultimately, as pointed out earlier, this probably breaks the 'sane' part of the equation for you. Perhaps his fantasy will evolve to something that works for both of you (and third parties).

Good luck with it,