I have appreciated your guys' help in the past and would really like to ask you the following......

My dom has erectile dysfunction, which I am understanding of -as much as possible. I've had the feelings of it being me -that I don't turn him on etc...he assures me it's not that. He says it's high blood pressure/cholesterol etc. Ok. So I try not to take it personally, but then ~ he likes me to suck him. Ok. And much of the time I enjoy it, but truthfully, there are many time when I'd just rather not. Reasons? I'm just not into it, or he's not even hard and it's hard to do anything with a soft 'petite' penis. Sometimes he forces me, which I understand is fine as I am his sub/slave -but he mentions that he feels the difference in quality. As much as I try, he can still tell. Now, I feel like a failure anytime I approach his penis. I don't want to go near it anymore because it's always about the erectile dysfunction/meeting his needs, and I feel like he is always watching/waiting for how I will do. I tried explaining that I don't feel good about it, and he just assures me that I am good and to 'keep practicing' except that I don't want to anymore.

Now he says that I will turn him off of even touching me if I continue to have an aversion to this. That I'd better get over it and start enjoying it more. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I WANT to enjoy it more, but I just can't right now. I WANT to do as he asks and not rebel, but when I do that even, he says it's different quality-wise. So I can't seem to win.

Now he's left the house for the day and he's mad because I tried to explain that I am supposed to be understanding of his erectile dysfunction, why can't he be understanding of my feelings? Why is always about his penis only? Now he's hurt and I am sitting here going between being upset and guilty.
I just didn't know becoming a sub would be this hard.