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Would it be at all possible to find a dom who is interested in an online BDSM relationship without pressuring for webcams and pictures, but rather base it on trust and imagination? I would love to experience such a thing, yet I am exceedingly paranoid, and somehow feel that giving a complete stranger a free vid of myself doing..well, you can guess.. might not be such a good idea.
So, doms, tell me -- would it be possible for one of your kind to enjoy such a thing? ;)
Indeed. In the six or so years I have been online, I've never relied on a webcam for anything regarding my DS relationships. In fact, I've never even owned one or had a submissive that did either.
I have asked for pictures on the occasion, but not as proof of tasks performed. I usually ask for them just to see if what was done fit the picture in my imagination, and most of the time the submissives I have talked to have surpassed anything I could have imagined.
I think that reliance on a webcam might be showing a lack of trust. I also think that visual assignments are the barest tip of the iceberg. So much more could be gained from written assignments, because they are what gives the biggest insight into the submissive mind. How does watching a submissive wank off while you diddle your own tool give you a glimpse of what's in the submissive's thoughts?
I think it is far more creative to go without pictures and video and rely on brains and skill in relationships.
In theory I surely agree with TG. I hate the cam and am not that comfortable on the phone either and a large part of my life occurs through plain email and IM --
but I also confess to being a visual creature, and the cam adds a dimension to the experience that I cherish.
But I would also be interested in leaving that part of the experience out and can see that it might add wonderful opportunities to a arelationship ... especially if those involved were competent writers.
But this is coming from the point of view, so you know, from the POV of a dominant who is forced into cyber by necessity and will never look back longingly at it when relationships move to RL. In my own case, without judgment on anyone else, I wouldn't be interested in any relationship for long that wasn't leading to real life contact.
her_Joe
That's interesting, her_Joe. A couple years ago I struck out on the Internet looking for a relationship that would be strictly online. After a couple weeks I found a guy I really liked (a Dom), who was fabulous online, but immediately wanted to arrange periodic r/l meetings. We never got around to doing it, and I was definitely hesitant.
It didn't really work out, and a few months later, I met another guy online. This time, I definitely wasn't looking for a romance, but we completely fell in love, and within a couple months were discussing going r/l. As in, moving across the country! (Which is apparently your situation, too.)
In retrospect, now I can't imagine having a serious relationship without plans to take it r/l. It just wouldn't work for me.
That said, I am a verbal creature. In an online relationship, I might like a photo, but everything else can be written. As TG said, it's much more personal and revealing than choppy video of someone going something dirty.
Most importantly, kinkst3r, you shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with. Nothing wrong with holding out for someone with the same attitude as you. Almost everyone will want a pic, just to get an idea, but I think the best Doms out there will be happy with a non-visual relationship.
I've been in a couple of internet relationships and always insisted that the subbie NOT get a cam. Cam images can be captured and distributed far too easily. As far as photos - I have exchanged a couple of perfectly vanilla pics as it is nice to have an image in mind when communicating, although it is far from essential.
One thing that I did like to use though was internet phone (voice chat). This was mainly because of my particular kink - orgasm tease and denial. Listening to a subbie moan, beg, whimper and struggle is huge turn on for me.
Yes not a problem- one of my girls I've never seen & it wouldn't bother me if I was to never see her. Well I've seen parts of her, but that was her idea, I didn't request it, & have never seen her face.
A good point is that others can hack into your IM program & steal pics or videos, I'd imagine.
The overriding thing is to be comfortable, any D/s relationship requires a huge amount of trust on the part of the sub- less so for the Dom.
I don't think you're being the least bit paranoid kinkst3r. Better to spend your life searching, than to compromise yourself with someone you don't trust.
I speak from experience here- a very good friend allowed a Dom to photograph her in a compromising postition in a r/l session. Some months after the relationship ended, she found her pics on a web site.
Tojo
I think the risk of somebody hacking into your IM program is pretty minimal. It's not something I would allow to have any bearing on my decision to appear on cam or not.
Anyway, regarding the original question, I've come across several dommes over the years who were happy to work without webcam or pictures, without looking all that hard. And sure, there's a place for trust and imagination... on the other hand, if you really like to be forced and pushed and manipulated, then webcam is absolutely wonderful.